Move Over MacGyver, This Manager Has Elite Escape Skills

What’s in the photo? I know it’s hard to tell, I’m probably the world’s worst photographer. Other than the book and my desktop, there’s an aluminum Monster Energy Drink tab there. So, why waste perfectly good electrons with this capture, you ask? Read onward.

I am fortunate enough to have a private bathroom in my office. No, I’m not a big wig executive, my company bought a house years ago and turned it into a branch location, which I manage. My office is the old master bedroom. The bathroom still has the god-awful pink tile that it was born with.

On Monday, as I often do, I retired to the “executive latrine” to do a little mid-morning reading. Once the reading was done (yes, I washed my hands), I turned the knob to exit and watched with amusement as the lock button shot out of the doorknob, bounced off the stylish pink tile, and came to a spinning stop near my right toe.

My first thought was; “Holy crap! Anton Chigurh is here; I’m dead.” Then true horror dawned on me; blow two hours by going to Home Depot to buy a new door knob set and then install it.

With peak-charged determination I picked up and examined the lock button, laughed, sprayed another shot of Glade and proceeded on my original path. No joy. The knob turned just fine, but the door was still locked.

Not to be whipped by a freaking door knob, I simply located the spring, positioned it in the hole, and pressed the center button in until it seated flush with the knob. Cool! Easy fix, right? Nope. Again; knob turns, stays locked, center button stationary.

“Just what do you think you are doing, Dave”  rang in my ears followed by a staccato Microsoft Sam laugh; “ha ha ha ha ha ha”. I replied abruptly; “STFU Hal!”. Note: I really don’t talk to myself. I’m employing a dramatic literary device, you see. Stay with me. 

I tried using my car keys to pry the button back out. Bzzt. I tried the keys on the screws that hold the knob in place. Bzzt. I searched my pockets frantically for a coin. Bzzt. Why not use my cell phone to call the front desk and have the receptionist bring a screwdriver to the back window? Bzzt. – She’d surely bring along a camera to document my predicament. In desperation I grabbed a shiny blue Monster Energy Drink(low carb) can from the wastebasket and removed the tab.

It took 20 minutes, but I was finally able to work the screws loose by using the tab as a makeshift screwdriver and I lived to tell the tale! Move over MacGyver!