Somali Pirates Signal Onset Of Reduced Global Temperatures

Thursday, April 9th, 2009
at 7:38pm

I WouldOne of the great things about being a “glass is half full” kind of thinker is that even news stories that are seemingly rife with bad news slip from my psyche like water off a duck’s back. So when I heard about all of these Somali pirates wreaking havoc in the Indian Ocean, I cheered with glee.

Puzzled, my wife asked “What’s so good about all those pirates?”. After listening intently, [cough] as my wife always does when I’m explaining things [cough], she sat back and sipped her latte in renewed peace having been edified by the selfless imparting of my knowledge of pirates and their relationship to global temperatures.  

You see, the increase in the number of pirates means that we will soon begin to see global temperatures dropping. Sorry, Al Gore, you’ll have to pawn your Nobel Prize Plaque and find another job. Wait, you’re already unemployed and your award rendered the Nobel Prize worthless, nevermind.

FSMIt is a well known, scientifically proven fact that global temperatures have been on the rise as the population of pirates has declined. Now that a rebound is underway, I’ll soon be throwing out all of my sunscreen and wide-brimmed hats.

Consider these scientific graphs and stowe your urge to ask Congress for letters of marque and reprisal.

Live and let the pirates live! They’re the cure for skin cancer!

More Pirates Please

Pirates Fuck Yeah

Tags
Categories

5 Comments

Rob

April 10th, 2009
at 9:42am

You shouldn’t do that while I’m drinking…I got water all over my monitor.

Mattb4rd

April 15th, 2009
at 11:52am

It needed to be cleaned anyway. All that dirty pRon has a tendency to soil one’s monitor.

elizof

April 18th, 2009
at 7:55pm

Hi Matt,
Eliz here from 31Day Challenge. I love your blog; it is funny, entertaining, great photos, clean lines and nicely organized content.
I have a couple of questions: what do you do to shorten what appears on the page? I like the “continue reading…” format. Also moving tags away from the actual blog is something I want to do… These are things you have done very well here.
Kudos and keep up the work!

Mattb4rd

April 19th, 2009
at 3:46am

Hiya Eliz! Thanks for visiting. I visited yours a few days ago. Very cerebral stuff there :) (I mean that as a compliment)

The continue reading thing is what I call a “post snip”. In wordpress you can place one anywhere by selecting the “Insert More Tag” symbol from the toolbar. The icon looks like a page that has been cut in half with a horizontal dotted line between the sections.

It’s a great tool to use to increase the number of feature posts that you can fit on your main page, but some blogs overuse it.

Feel free to send me an email via the contact form if you’re still not sure how to do it, and I will reply with some screen shots showing exactly how to do it.

Thanks again for the visit, and thanks for the compliments.

elizof

April 21st, 2009
at 4:43am

Hello Matt,
Screen shots welcome! Also, I posted a message on our eclectic list in collaborations re: 31Day #15…
I figured we have all connected and could continue in same vein. You can message me at my home site too.
Keep up your great posts too!
Thanks again and cheers!

Leave a Comment